On personal journals

This was written for my speech class last year.

**

On personal journals
by RCA

It all started one balmy sophomore day when I got envious at a classmate who insisted on christening his journal, his notebook to be exact, the most feminine of names a boy could choose - Coraline. I fumed every single moment he blurted out “Dear Coraline” here and “Dear Coraline” there not just because he looked like a total idiot while doing it but because he teased me with it. I couldn’t do a thing but to puff my cheeks scarlet out of annoyance. Then one fateful day a brilliant idea popped into my head telling me, “Why shouldn’t I make a journal for myself?” Keeping a personal journal has been my passion since then and I have reaped myriad a benefit as far as keeping it alive is concerned.

The first noticeable change that I observed was the slow but sure maturation of my penmanship. My ugly and almost unreadable scrawl was transformed into more dignified cursive strokes. It also had a direct effect on my attitude in note taking. My hand endured more during long hours of taking down notes from the blackboard that looked down ominously upon me. It had been an arduous task but with my journal by my side, I said goodbye to note taking depression.

Then, the issues of my tear-streaked early teenage life came in. The wars I waged against my parents for rebelling against them, the grades that I had flunked and secretly kept away from my parents' noses, the cold shoulder from my siblings and my small – or big – squabbles with them were all inked into my trusty journal. To put things short, neither morsel of emotion nor a thread of fact of my florid teenage life escaped the venomous honesty I upheld for my journal. Writing down fervently on it gave me a sense of security that had never been false for all I care. I cannot say that it was an outlet where I vented all my anger at when other ones had been always available. It had been more of a Canopic jar that kept my sanity closely under control.

Finally, keeping that journal made me realize that there was more to life than what it ultimately offers us – money, power, material wealth. We can satisfy our hearts' desires but we can never be wholly complete without satisfying the underlying equation of life that is happiness. I learned, through the crude observational skills that I had along with journal writing, that putting up a positive outlook in life is never enough. You have to live that optimism in your life – in your actions, the way you speak, deep down to the very core of your being – in order to find that shard of happiness that you so long for.

As for you, my dear audience, it's up to you to decide if you should keep a personal journal for yourself. You can try it out for fun or take it up to the next level. As for that journal, it eventually got filled with my constant scribbling and for once I never got tired of doing the same thing over and over again. Up to now, I still have that hardbound book safely cradled somewhere in my closet, albeit old and dusty, carrying with it the melancholic and the joyous songs of my youth.

Hospital duty is semi-toxic at the moment. My group is assigned in the out-patient services. We deal mostly with uniformed people since we're serving a military hospital. It's something that I take pride in doing because we are helping the military that more or less keeps everything safe and secure inside the country.

Wednesday so far has been the most toxic of all days because the diabetics clinic is open in the afternoon. Who would've known that there are many cases of both types of diabetes in the military? Too bad we were not allowed to perform the bgm on the patients. Some intruder in the form of an insistent med-rep and the staff nurses did the procedure. Huhu.

And I'm living in a dormitory now. How sweet. After two years of commuting, finally, my parents decided it's time for me to live alone away from home. Duh... They only thought of it now! The dorm doesn't impose a curfew so it's really appropriate for student nurses like me who have afternoon to evening shifts. I'm also glad that my roommates are nice. They introduced themselves to me and gave me a few tips about dorm life. We exchanged courses and I found out that I'm the only one who's taking nursing. Two of them, however, are allied health students too, one's studying speech pathology, another public health. The other two roommates, I'm still not sure what their courses are.

Overall assessment: I can live alone as long as I have the money. (Ain't it silly of me to say that? Hehe...) I picture myself taking my masters three years from now while working and still live in the same dorm I'm residing in today.

Four days is all that's left of my vacation. And I can't wait for those four days to pass by and for Tuesday to greet me. Independence Day has been moved so Monday becomes a holiday instead of Thursday, thanks to the lovely president.

We'll be having an orientation at the Ospital ng Maynila on Tuesday so we'll be donning smock gowns again. (Yes, the horrible white smock gowns.) I remember the orientation to have been scheduled last January or February but then it was canceled. The hospital's near the school and the buses from Cavite pass by it everyday so I won't be having a problem on getting there on time, unlike the other hospitals which are located away from Manila.

~*~*~

I need a haircut, again and I need to get my pin tomorrow. I really hope that my pin's already made because my pinning is on Thursday. I can't get pinned if I don't have one! (Okay, I can get pinned and use another proxy pin that has another person's name on it. But that's not memorable! Haha! I want my pinning to be memorable even though it's a small event.)

~*~*~

I'm nervous and excited in unequal proportions. I have this feeling that everything I've learned is not enough for me to render good service once I start my clinical duty. It's always been something that I expected to occur. Expecting meaning that I still can do something about it. ^_^ Review. Review. Review. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Ask. Ask. Ask.

Oh, and I almost forgot. Practice. Practice. Practice.

I've manually written on my diary for the past five years, and lately, due to my schedule, I couldn't find the time to write on it. So, I have decided to ditch the organic journal and switch to the Word application on my phone instead. As of now, I find updating my diary anywhere but the streets of Manila very convenient. Heck, I've even done it in the bathroom. And with that, the the headache of keeping all my past journals safe returns.

I'm thinking of placing them in ziploc bags then covering them with layers and layers of celluloid tape. That way, they will be protected from wear and tear. I could also burn them in one sitting like what mama suggested. But that'd be the death of me if I ever considered it. Sigh. Until I can find a suitable solution, my own cabinet should do fine.

~*~*~

Wolf's Rain made me nearly cry. Oh well, only the last episode where everyone dies. Their concept of Paradise was amusing though.

When the world nears its end, Paradise will appear and only the wolves know of it.

~*~*~

I got enrolled courtesy of my beautiful grandmother. I can't believe she's 75 and still working. When she comes here for her vacation on June, I'll have to ask her her secret for staying very fit. She's quite strong for a woman her age. It must be her diet and lifestyle.

Anyway, my pinning is on the 11th of June. I'm so excited. I mean, really. This is a major turning point of my student life where I get to practice what I've learned for the past two years, and maybe get scolded by my instructor once or twice. I'll leave it at once or twice. Hehe. Or maybe never. I should strive to be the best intern the school has ever had! It's not like they haven't seen excellent students, but there's no harm in trying. Hehe.

My class schedule is hospital duty from Monday to Thursday and preventive/promotive on Friday and Saturday, religion and msce squeezed between, I think.

This time, I can't afford to be late. Not once, definitely not twice. So, never. Never late. That requires me to live in the heart of Manila, nearer to the hospitals. I haven't found a dorm or an apartment yet. I've been thinking of crashing Ian's place, not just me, my mama and my other classmates have cited this idea as well, since he's my groupmate, and paying a third of his monthly rent and the bills too. But umm, we're not that close and I doubt he'll accept the idea. I could sleep on the floor with my trusty futon, and maybe I could cook dinner every weekend and since we're in the same group we could study together!

I highly doubt it would be enough to convince him. Besides, if he does agree, it will become an issue in class. Yes, a big issue, it's small but I'm sure one of my classmates is bound to make it big, and that'll probably reach the other sections' ears in less than a week. I should try asking him. But I'm afraid.

Or, maybe I could go on with my everyday 20-km Cavite-Manila commute. Suicide express. ^_^

I'll find a way.

~*~*~

edges of the carpet...

Thank all the nursing gods for allowing me to experience the most wonderful pre-clinical duty in my whole life. I never expected my pre-clinical to be so full of fun and excitement. By this part of the paragraph you should know already that I'm being a fat liar. Wahaha!

It was exciting alright. I was only excited the first few hours to midnight before Monday. Then that excitement faded away because I woke up at 5:40 in the morning. It was so sad because I was late for two and a half hours on my very first day at Fort Bonifacio General Hospital. I had trouble finding them and they wouldn't answer their phones when I tried calling because I knew very much that phones weren't allowed inside the hospital during orientation.

Ma'am Rana (The n should be the Spanish n. I can't do it with Ubuntu-based computer.), the instructor that took over, Ma'am Ong wasn't there yet, scolded me for being awfully late. "Good, patay na ang pasyente mo." "Good, your patient is already dead." Fortunately my poise did not waver one bit and I answered her solidly that it won't happen again. Surprisingly, it did happen again on Wednesday with Ma'am Ong already in charge. But I was only 30 minutes late, mind you. That's why I still don't have an idea right now if I'll be doing a make-up duty for my *late-absent.

Anyway, when I arrived last Monday, Ma'am Rana was discussing the parts of the patient's chart. I tried my best to look and be attentive. Of course I was attentive because my brain told me to focus and make up for the past two hours that I wasn't there. Then we went to the ward and did vital signs on our respective patients.

It had been a nice experience though. I was actually applying what I learned in health care one. (Oo, ngayon ko lang siya nagamit. Galing noh?)

Monday turned to now, which is Friday, quickly. I didn't even notice any difference because every day was the same as the day that preceded it, I was learning and learning. Maybe except for the excessively hot weather that seemed to have backed off a bit today. We also had a narrative report presentation based on the data we gathered from our patients and a quiz deluxe from Ma'am Ong to wrap things up. Twas chicken feed, I daresay. I studied. Wahaha!

That's all.

*Late absent - when you are beyond 15 minutes late, you will be marked absent instead.

~*~*~

Leda and I, unfortunately, didn't have the bonding moments we hoped we would have had during the Holy Week. She had a lot of things to do, papers mostly, and I didn't want to get on her tight schedule. Friends make sacrifices, I think. And I did just that, although I'm starting to interpret that as lack of effort to visit her.

Gian's been texting me. It was nice. He wanted me to say hi to Leda. Nangungumusta ang gago. I forwarded his message to Leda immediately. She replied with another subject in mind.

And I've been to...

hmm...

People can be dense. But Ate Relia said that person isn't too dense nor too stupid not to notice my seemingly harmless and minute advances to further my "thing" for that person.

I'm a confused little bitch. Really.

Late post

The prelims are over. My plans on becoming a successful nurse is nearing its completion! Wahahahahahah!

For your information, this is the last term for the year. If I make it out alive, which I surely will confidence and pride put aside, then I'll be a candidate for capping/pinning. Wow! And I've made it to the DEAN'S LIST! THE EFFIN' DEAN'S LIST!

SI RUDOLPH UMABOT DAW SA DEAN'S LIST MGA KAPITBAHAY! IPAGBUNYI NIYO ANG KANYANG TAGUMPAY!

*lol*

Oh goodness. The elation I feel is just very overwhelming. I've worked hard for it you know. It's not everyday that a person like me gets into that list. I'm just so happy that I can't help myself but reiterate. Huhu... I should strive to achieve more because there is no way but up, up and back down to Earth. Akala mo cliche noh? Duh.