late entry...

Merry Christmas!
~~
Ha! It's a quarter past three in the morning and I still don't feel sleepy at all. I wonder why. Lately, I haven't been getting enough sleep. And last night I had a dream. Hmm. I can't exactly recall the exact details but I do know my crush was there. Argh! (Listen to my teenage heart beating fast!) At least in that dream we were friends! FRIENDS! That's like... one step closer to... Never mind. Haha!
~~
Early this morning, mother woke me up just to ask if she should buy oral rehydration salts for my brother who was having a bout of diarrhea. I told her reformulated Hydrite would do wonders and added that she give him Loperamide just to stop his damn bowels from expelling more hazardous material. And now he's recovered thank goodness.
~~
My brother also gave me a Christmas card. >_> Ermm. It was unexpected but I did appreciate his effort. I haven't thanked him yet.
~~

a bygone era...

It's been a year, I guess. I stopped playing RF over a year ago and I still miss the game. Whenever I recall the Crag Wars days, there's always that accompanying bit of heartache. Whenever I recall the raid/repel days, there's a pang of nostalgia that just won't go away. Whenever I recall the lively community of RFO - PH from not so long ago, there's still a glimmer of hope that that once rich and diverse gaming community will once more flourish.

I have to admit that my days in Novus were one of the best ones. There were highs and lows, of course and I enjoyed every second of them. When the time came that I had to quit and move on to another game, I couldn't help but have this nagging feeling that I'm running away from home. Novus was my home after all. I loved Novus. I loved the Accretians, the Bellato, and most of all the knots that bound me to Cora.

But all is lost to Cora, I think. Many have quit the game and many stopped being Corites, which hurt me the most. We've certainly come a long way game-wise. The machinations that drove the ceaseless strife between the three warring races have long since disappeared. But to all the brave ones, we've left our mark on the little planet. The war has claimed many and Novus and all its native inhabitants will once more bloom with the ethereal glow of Halostone.

nineteen

I turned nineteen yesterday and I was happy, simply because I'm healthy and I have a family and that I experience the luxury of going to school. There was no celebration, only greetings that were all the more appropriate and pleasing to my ears.

"Happy birthday *Dudung!"

"Dolph, happy birthday!"

Even if I worked myself to death with the preparation of the food for the nursing tribute, and even if I nearly got into a verbal fight with an old man at the bus station on my way home, reading those greetings over again somehow made the burden lighter.

(*Dudung - literally means boy or little boy in Cebuano. It's my pet name inside the classroom.)

good grief

good grief
rca 8/12/08

he often left for work with grief
in his bag. he did just that even
on christmas or new year's eve
for that that matter. he always did.

he served it to his guests, his grief.
over tea, over dinner, even on
his birthday party every 12th
of december. he always did.

the neighbors thought, including me
that a turned leaf from him was
not to be expected. but at times i,
doubted them. even now, i still do.

a week ago, he left the world
with something else in his bag,
i suppose. he was smiling, i recall,
when i saw him on the open casket.

##

dorm stuff

I would have wanted to stay longer. Who wouldn't, if given the chance? The wifi's enough a reason for prolonging my stay. But that's not all, the people are nice too. I can never forget them. If I did, I'd still recall them from the far reaches of my memory years from now.

My five-month contract with PJ ended three days ago and I didn't have the slightest idea that I had to move out right away. I can only laugh at the experience. Besides, I'm young and naive and it's my first try at living in a shared commercial space, so I have those to attribute it for. Hehe.

I wanted to leave a note similar to what Kuya Ian, a former roommate, did, addressing each of the tenants separatetly. I had a lot to say and have thought out what I was going to write down. Unfortunately, I didn't have the time to. But if by chance I did, it would have read like this:

~~

4 December 2008
B4, PJ Mansion, Cuevas Towers
Taft Avenue cor. Pedro Gil, Manila

To the B4 people of the past and present,

Good day.

By the time you read this, I'm gone from the face of this room forever, never to return nor look back but I want everyone to know that my time spent here was nevertheless fruitful. I enjoyed every second of it, awake or asleep. There were no reasons for me to consider not to, anyway. I got the taste of freedom away from the confines of my little household and it lingers on my tongue, bittersweet like dark chocolate. That's what made me enjoy the time spent most and for some of you it's not an uncommon occurrence anymore.

Now, down to business with each of you.

Kuya Mico - I don't even know you. But heck, you were my dorm mate for a week or so. Good luck in conquering your claustrophobia.

Kuya Toy - Hmm, what can I say. You love music. And the voices of the speech deprived or those having difficulty with their media are also music to your ears, I can tell. May you find the first note of the music that moves you.

Kuya Tonnicci - Ang sipag mo po mag-aral, something that I deeply admire. It's so infectious too that sometimes I find myself doubting my supposedly stable and balanced study habits. But looking back, you always remind me of the proverbial signposts stacked upon one another and pointing to places we call "everywhere". I don't know what it means though.

Kuya Ian - Woo! Mabuhay ang nurses! I got this whole idea from you. Hindi ko makakalimutan ang story sessions slash marathon hanggang alas tres ng umaga.

Kuya Tan-tan - Salamat po sa buko pie at pan de coco at sa sagot mo sa tinanong ko dati. It really helped clear things in my head.

Kuya Marco - Wala akong sasabihin sayo. Belat! XD Makatulog ka sana sa bus one of these days at pag gising mo papunta nang Mendez ang bus. Woo! (Shift muna ako sa Tagalo amp dinudugo ilong ko sa kai-Ingles.) Ang gulo mo po! Minsan matinong kausap, minsan mapag-biro. Pareho kayo ni Kuya Tonicci. Parang signposts na nakuturo sa kung saan. Ikaw yung hardcore version. Chaos theory. Wahaha!

~~

I hope everyone finds success, happiness, contentment, and most of all, fulfillment in all their chosen fields of profession, in life and in love, too. Parting words:

"It's only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." -taken from the book, The Little Prince.

That is all I have to say.

To the skies,

Rudolph aka Jei-ar, Junior.